you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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