I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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