So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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