I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
