wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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