Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
