mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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