I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
