why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize