im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
