did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
