So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
