Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize