You work out of a Hotel?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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