just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
