They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
