What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
