Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
