You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
