when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
