At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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