maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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