i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
