I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
