Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize