I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize
