I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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