She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
