she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
