Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He did a backflip because drugs
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