we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
