Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
