so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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