At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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