Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
