He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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