If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
