i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
