Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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