Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
