Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
