Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
