I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
