New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
