alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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