I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
