Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize