Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
