Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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