I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
