Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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