hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
