i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
