Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
