I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
