We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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