cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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