You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
