Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
