How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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