plz talk dirty to me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
