I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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