Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
