Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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