just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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