My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
