Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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