whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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