I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
