He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When are your genitals available?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
