ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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