enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
