He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
