you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
