cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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