You're my little dorito
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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