We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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